Reverse Psychology: Subtlety
by azure cuisine
Summary: The Dark Lord does not accept failure. Sequel to "Reverse Psychology," but can be read alone. COMPLETE.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: **Sequel to "Reverse Psychology," but can be read alone. This is how I do crack!fic.

**Disclaimer:** Harry Potter belongs to JK Rowling, not me. No money being made here.

**Warnings: **This is stupid. And silly.

**Reverse Psychology: Subtlety, or **

**Why Severus is Thinking About Overthrowing the Dark Lord**

"Why! How! Why didn't Potter die?"

"The fifth years have been learning about poisons, my Lord. His mudblood friend has been carrying bezoars all year." A small lie, hidden in the truth.

"But how did it know the apple was poisoned?"

"Perhaps my Lord's note was a bit too… obvious?"

"But… Potter did _eat_ the apple, did he not?"

"He did."

"Then my plan worked! I am supreme! When we devise a way to get past that annoying mudblood, Potter will surely die. Here is my plan."

Severus listened with a growing sense of dread. _Idiots, the lot of them._


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** Harry Potter belongs to JK Rowling, not me. No money being made here.

**Warnings: **This is stupid. And silly. Early 5th year AU.

**Our Story So Far: **After the failure of the Great Poison Apple Plan, Voldemort decides to plot against Hermione first. Severus is plotting on his own.

**Chapter Two, or**

**Honestly, Ron, You-Know-Who is Not In Love With Me**

It was a spray of Circaea flowers tied to a walnut and delivered at breakfast by a barn owl of the sort rented out by the Wizard's Post. Hermione stared at the odd gift for a moment while the owl stole a piece of Ron's bacon and flew off, not waiting for a reply.

"Who's sending you flowers?" Ron asked.

At least, that's what Hermione _thought_ Ron asked. It was a bit hard to tell with his mouth full and bits of toast spraying across the table.

"I bet it's Voldemort. So whatever you do, don't eat it," Harry said. Several nearby students flinched and moved away. Neville scooted closer, looking closely at the plant.

"Don't eat the flowers, at least," Neville said. "Even if it's not from You-Know-Who. That's one of the nightshades. Poison."

"I knew it!" Ron smacked the table. "You-Know-Who couldn't kill Harry with the poison apple—"

"It almost worked, Ron. If Professor Snape hadn't come by the library when he did—"

"Still. It didn't work. So now he's going after you, because you're Muggleborn."

"It's probably more than that," Harry said. "You're one of my best friends, and you're the smartest witch in school, so he's threatening you with poison flowers. And maybe he thinks you're allergic to nuts, or something."

Ron was nodding in agreement, but Neville was shaking his head. "It doesn't _look_ like a threat," he said hesitantly.

"But it's poison!" Ron said.

"But it doesn't mean death. Look, it's Enchanter's nightshade, that means witchcraft and magic." Neville's face was excited. "And the walnut means intellect. So the two together just mean intelligent witch, which is Hermione. It's a statement of fact!"

"So why's he sending you flowers?" Ron asked suspiciously.

Hermione blinked. Looked closer at Ron. "Are you… jealous?" It didn't seem credible.

Harry scooted away, watching the two of them warily and pulling Neville out of the line of fire. They watched their friends with a sort of horrified fascination.

"I'm not!" Ron said indignantly. "But it's a little weird, isn't it? You-Know-Who sending you flowers right after trying to kill Harry!"

"And if it _is_ him, he's probably trying to kill me. Or Harry, and these got mis-delivered!"

"If it _is…_ You think it's someone else! You think it's from Krum, don't you?"

"It could be!"

"Well, then there shouldn't be anything wrong with it at all. Why don't you open the nut?"

"I don't have a nutcracker!"

"Are you a witch or not?"

Hermione glared at Ron. She pointed her wand at the walnut. _"Confractus!"_

It fell open. A slip of paper uncurled from inside.

_Miss Granger,  
__You are the only mudblood who could ever understand me.  
__With fondest regards,  
__Lord Voldemort_

The four of them stared at the note. Several minutes passed, and then Harry cleared his throat. The other three looked at him expectantly.

"Does anyone else think Voldemort's brain got scrambled last year?"

xxxxx

Severus scowled at the Gryffindor table. _So it's started. _The Dark Lord's plans to destroy Potter had been put on hold until Hermione Granger, the brightest student Severus had ever taught, had been dealt with.

And this new plan… _Idiot. _No one would ever believe that the Dark Lord was courting a fifteen-year-old Muggleborn student. And his courting methods… _Pulling her hair would be more effective._

He could no longer wait on Dumbledore, Potter, and the prophecy. The longer this went on, the more likely Severus' death became. _Clearly, I must take action._

How to kill a Dark Lord who seemed immune to death? _What would the Dark Lord do?_

An idea sprang into his head. Severus pushed it aside—it was utterly ridiculous. It would never work. It…

_It's utterly perfect,_ he thought with disgust.

In detention, (assigned after Draco had conveniently destroyed Potter's nearly-passable draught), Severus put his plan into motion.

"I understand you killed a basilisk in the castle your second year?"


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** Harry Potter belongs to JK Rowling, not me. No money being made here.

**Warnings: **This is stupid. And silly. 5th year AU.

**Our Story So Far: **

**Epilogue, or **

**How Severus Wound Up Giving Voldemort **

**a Poisoned Apple Labeled "To Harry"**

"What is that package?"

"Dumbledore told me to deliver it to Potter, my Lord. I thought it best to bring it to you."

"Very wise." The Dark Lord thrust his hand in Severus' face. "Give it to me!"

"Yes, my Lord." Severus handed him the package—red cellophane with an enormous gold bow.

"Gaudy," the Dark Lord said critically. He tore the wrapping apart, revealing a ripe apple. "To Harry, Eat this _at once, _Yours, Dumbledore?"

"It will give Potter great power."

"The power is mine, now!" He bit eagerly into the apple. Juice dribbled down his chin.

Severus smiled.


End file.
